EVERY MISHAP THAT HAPPENED IN 24 HOURS IN KENYA

Like.I get it Damn mosquito net Where is my phone? I got it. Every morning Oh my god why why why? Wow, I had to do that. So if there’s one mzungu move that I could have done this morning, downstairs while eating, what could that be? Like, you fall, the plate falls The plate falls! The plate falls?! Yes! You stupid I looked up, but I said Sorry! Go eat some breakfast. What happens when you’re not with me? Hi good morning! Do you still have breakfast? If I eat this food, will my stomach get better? or worse? I don’t know how it got me. Usually I’m a trooper Just made a new friend at breakfast. This is Steve. Thank you, Joanna Just in time, the food came! Three seconds later. Demolished it. Your job is to, basically, give more people safe clean drinking water Not easy. Yes, it is to accelerate increased access to clean and safe drinking water. Just yesterday, we saw, like, five thousand kids. It was crazy. Oh, busy man, has another phone call. To be continued. Hi, honey Had the opposite of your morning. Guess what other mzungu move I’ve made today? Can’t find my money. What? Can’t find my Kenyan Shillings! Boy I gotta just take you on a leash! Must’ve been too much sukuma wiki!

EVERY MISHAP THAT HAPPENED IN 24 HOURS IN KENYA Photo Gallery

I really don’t know where my money is. So you got me, baby? Well I have enough for the both of us. ‘cuz somebody gotta be the breadwinner in this relationship. OOOOOH What? When you’re too smart for your future self That’s a real problem. Every day here, we’ve been helping out, going to schools. Today is like a freebie Damon and Jo, let’s see what we can find in the streets of Kakamega Hit it I think we gotta go, Jo. No, there’s cars coming that way. We’ve been out here for two minutes, and I already got a “Mzungu, how are you?” This is why you gotta have a Damon and you gotta have a Jo, because no matter what country you’re in, you’re always gonna surprise the local people. We have a different experience no matter where we go. See the mango across the street? We’re getting a mango right now. Yeah, let’s do the big one. A good restaurant to eat. Woman: a good restaurant? yeah Like sukuma wiki, my favorite Woman: you want some sukuma wiki? yes Woman: you see.come on I’ll show you. Okay Right here? Woman: that’s the one They have good sukuma wiki there? Some grapes? We’re gonna go eat. Maybe for dessert. People are ready to talk here. We need a knife Let me just use my sharp sense of humor. I love how people are just buying mangos from the car. wait, she’s putting some, like, hot sauce or something in it. is that spice?

Woman: yes to go on the mango? Woman: yeah. can we try it? Woman: yeah, come. Okay Thank you Think that’s tumeric.and now it’s inside of my permanent retainer my teeth. Alright cool. No no not too much, just a little. That’s perfect Woman: enough? that’s perfect, yeah, thank you thank you That’s okay. No plastic bags are allowed here in Kenya, which is actually really good. It’s supposed to limit pollution, and it does the trick! This is the moment, when you’re on that return flight home And you look through your camera roll, and the tears start falling A complete stranger, in the car, again, watch out for the slobber Told me come over trying her mango with spices because I was curious. This is what travel’s all about! You want a picture? Let’s go get them some pictures! they want a picture! it’s our first time in Kenya Woman: your first time? yeah Woman: Which country are you from? The United States Woman: oh Woman: and uh.what brings you to Kenya? This! It’s beautiful! just like one mzungu move after another! Good luck This place is massive! Here? What do you want? Um, ugali, sukimi wika. Sukuma wiki. Ugali’s five cents. Well well well hold the . see five cents? But we still get that shit on Instagram! Okay, sukuma wiki aaand.rice. Woman: okay She’s like upset you didn’t get the ugali So, I’ll get the ugali! White is with milk? Woman: yeah, white is with milk. Yeah, white coffee. With white coffee, please. Mzungu coffee. She laughed when you said mzungu coffee that was a good one! See, my jokes are on! When you think about going Africa, there are certain things that you might imagine. This has been nothing but joy We’ve been sitting here for ten minutes with, what we think is milk, but maybe it’s not milk Maybe this is the white coffee. Maybe the coffee’s at the bottom No, it’s just milk. This is not coffee, now you’re framing me. No, this is milk, Jo. We’re confused.

So, we ordered mzungu coffee. That’s okay! Got me over here thinkin’ this is white coffee. How to trick a dumb tourist Nothing like a good ol’ espresso Okay, it may sound like we’re joking, but you guys.one time when we were in Ecuador, our host grandma our abuelita Yolanda Would make the best instant coffee with steamed milk. This is ugali. This is like their staple here. It’s corn. do you want the sukuma wiki or no? yes! so then I might have to order some more. so, this is sukuma wiki, and to me it’s kind of a mixture between collard greens and kale. can you at least turn the plate so the dead eyes aren’t looking into my eyes? looking into.oh my god look at its cute little mouth! No stop, this is Jo before this trip: yeah, I think I really might try out vegetarianism again. Next scene is this ooops. Pescatarian? oh.okay. Man: When do I get my picture? we’re making a Man: I’m gonna be on YouTube? Damon and yes Look up Damon and Jo We’ve gone to schools, Navakholo, Malava Navakholo, Malava That. That’s it. damn mzungu he’s, like, laughing No, we’re best friends. Man: best friends? I thought that him and. No no no, we’re just best friends. Man: we unite him, we unite you. I love.oh wait, no we’re not getting married! Man: oh. who and who? No nobody’s getting married! no, no one’s getting.single! Happy single huh? we’re killing the generation Since the two of you are not having any relations, why don’t you get friends here, so that the relationship can grow even bigger? You mean get married to a Kenyan? yes! Damon and OOOOH Hi.okay You called me a mzungu. What is a mzungu? Mzungu? A European. so am I a mzungu? Boy: yes. I’m a mzungu?! Boy: yes. I’m a mzungu?! no no no, I’m good, thank you!

Look at the, like, tornado that’s gonna happen behind us. We gotta, like, head back Can we just show you guys a Kenyan supermarket? car honking Ooooh, getting honked at Also, my pants are about to fall down. So, Kenya, you’re about to see some white cheeks. and meanwhile, my skirt’s like wooooh Oh no! It’s really gonna start! The locals are running, I’m running. If she’s going, I’m going. Are we going? Let’s go. I love how it’s called Tuskies, like an elephant tusk. Did you know that? It’s an elephant tusk. Tuskies. Stop saying things that you don’t even know the answer to. I like storytelling and it’s a good story. So, we officially answered a Kore What? Kor okay. So, we officially entered a Kenyan supermarket now We came here before and we noticed a few things. Let’s do it. Jo, take them straight to the tampon aisle. This is what I had to come here last time for, and I was very disappointed Let’s go find out why. uh oh. We’re gonna get some stares having a camera in this aisle hold on, there’s somebody over there. Let’s stop with Vaseline. Why y’all got so much petroleum jelly? I’ve never seen this much petroleum jelly selection in my life. You got all these pads. You got pads. You got pads. You got pads. Pads. Pads Tampons. No applicator. This is a cultural thing I need to highlight.

Maybe in other Tuskies there are tampons. Here, clearly not a crowd favorite The struggle of finding feminine hygiene products. Damon has been with me through this. It’s really, like it’s just unfortunate that women have to go through that. It’s silly and stupid that one gender would have to, and the other one doesn’t. Tell me about it. And we then have to give birth. Like, it’s all crazy I gotta do this, this and this?! It’s a whole aisle dedicated to vegetable oil Well, we got kicked out of the supermarket. But we got what we needed! If you liked this , make sure to give it a thumbs up. Please, comment below if you’re Kenyan. What else do we need to see here? Okay! Hey girls! Hey! Just another word, we’re in rural Kenya. There are modern parts of Kenya, Nairobi is where it’s at. Yeah, we’re in Kakamega. We had to take a plane from Nairobi. Two hours, or it was like an hour in flight. It was like minutes in the air. Okay, the rain’s getting on the camera, we gotta go, see you next time! See you later! Bye! Kwaheri! He said “the key to success is restlessness,” and I said “you right I didn’t sleep at all today” What happened? I don’t have napkins! Inside of the pant travel tip! No napkins No napkins! did he just shame you? This reminds me of the time we were in Italy and Damon goes up to the vending machine, puts a quarter in, select latte. Wanting a latte, except in Italy, what does ‘latte’ mean? ‘Latte’ means milk, so I had a cup of hot milk I knew this place was special! Jo just said an old lady hopped off of this with a cane. She’s not letting anything get in the way of her mobility! As she takes, like, pics of what her location is.

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