8 THINGS I HATE ABOUT PARIS

I don’t know how to turn this off. There were issues with the toilet too. I love France. I used to live here. I even think I’ve been back times. Each time probably at least two weeks. It’s fine, I’ve stayed within my visa limits. So we all know that Paris is the city of love and for me it is the city of love. It’s also the city of love and hate. Why? Why? Just like your city at home, Paris is not all roses. In fact, it’s the least amount, okay I’m trying really hard to get these different angles. In fact it’s only hose if I’m using this filter. But I know you wouldn’t have clicked on this if you were expecting all pon de chocolat or Eiffel Tower, so I’m about to give you the roast session that you were looking for. Here are the things that I dislike, that I loathe, that I hate about Paris. The metro. The paris metro is the best metro I’ve ever seen in the world. The thing that doesn’t make sense, the weekly and monthly metro passes start on very annoying days. If you try to buy a weekly unlimited pass on a Thursday, you’re only getting it until Monday. So, if you want the weekly pass, you have to wait until Monday. It’s not like it goes seven days from the date of purchase.

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You have to wait, or you have to waste money. Hip hop clubs. Wow. Who’s gonna get into a hip hop club looking like that? Why is it so hard to find hip hop and R&B clubs? Well because electro is very popular here. Why is electro popular here? I have two theories (bells). One, no one understands the English in popular American songs. And how can you when everything is like roasting and shook and I’m triggered and I’m crackling and like whatever. Two, they don’t know how to dance. Ooooh, that felt bad. The sketchyness. Paris I still feel like is a sketchy city. I still feel like I need to clutch my phone and hide it in my underwear. Maybe this is because I look like a frail lil white boy from America, maybe. But they ain’t know what’s underneath. No but for real, Paris is pretty sketchy, I think at night. It’s just the architecture, like the lights are yellow, so it doesn’t look safe. The roads are tiny and there’s lots of curbs, so like it’s easy mugging territory. The metro, I mean especially like the RER, like the time between the stops is so long that it gives you ample time to just make your rounds up and down to get your blackberries or in my case, get his blackberry. I didn’t mug him. French waiters, sorry Parisian waiters. Parisian waiters do this, hi, could I have a glass of water? Kay, here yo go. You want a goat cheese salad? Okay here you go. This is me, like do you wanna put that down nicely? Like I know there’s not much of a tipping culture, but that doesn’t give you a reason to be mean to me. When I’m ordering a coffee at the end of my meal, why are you doing everything possible to not recognize when I need you? Excuse me. I’m gonna go get it. Parisian waiters part two.

I was at a Vietnamese restaurant. I wanted a Bo Bun. How is adding tofu that’s on the menu and Bo bun that’s on the menu to make a tofu Bo Bun that’s not on the menu, How is that impossible? Ahh. The huffing and puffing. The huffing and puffing I really hate, but I also really love to hate it. You’re holding up the line and French people are the best at showing you how much you are an inconvenience to their lives. It’s to the point that my friend now walks around Paris like this. Woah. Can you do the thing where, the huffing and the puffing? The tempers are a little shorter here. I’ve been traveling through Paris by way of huffing and puffing. (Laughter) There have been many times when I walk into a store and I being American, would be like, “Excuse me, do you have this or that?” If you don’t say bonjour, hello, before you ask your question, prepare to get the most attitude you’ve ever seen in your life. If you do not say au revoir, merci,, you’re ruined. Don’t come back. Parisians give Americans a hard time for being superficial, fake, very surface level. Like “Hey how are you? I’m good. Okay cool, that’s great.” And yet this is exactly what that is. It’s the same exact thing. The smoking. For example, I’m filming this and I see you and you outside of your window smoking. That’s fine because you’re in your private space, but when I’m walking down the street or I’m in a coffee shop, why am I smelling your smoke? How is that an accepted part of society and it affects everyone else’s air. We’re talking about air. Airflow. Or lack there of. There is no airflow in Paris. Okay when I get on the bus, I’m not expecting there to be A C, there doesn’t need to be A C. Why are we not opening up those windows? Air flow feels good. It’s for the benefit of everybody. Who wants stale air? Nobody wants stale, musty air, so why aren’t we opening the windows?

Why is there a flat screen TV, why is there a towel warmer? But do we have a fan? Oh I don’t like the fan, it makes too much noise. If the fan makes too much noise, put on Seiza, put on Frank Ocean. But we’re talking about a level of grime on our skin. Who wants to feel salty all day long? The gyms. Speaking of sweatiness, first of all Parisians go to the pool. Number one thing if you’re an American going to Paris, you can’t wear your board shorts. It literally says, so you need to put on your Speedo, like I do. Okay so we’re sweating, we’re already outside. You’re like why do I need to go to the gym if I’m already sweating inside my own house? Valid. Even more valid when you do go to the gym, because I went to a gym where they literally tried selling me on their group classes. You guys, the group classes, this is literally what they say, “Welcome, here we have a wide range of classes. “We have a Zumba, we have yoga, we have cardio fitness. “We use a state of the art television. “We wheel it into the room.” I was like that’s what you’re telling me, you roll a TV into the room and people watch aerobics. I didn’t sign up for that shit. Obviously Paris has a lot of things going for it. It’s beautiful, the architecture, the people, the fashion, the food. People chill in parks, they drink by the sun. They’re always going to the movies, they’re reading books, they’re going to museums, they’re going to the latest expo. They’re so cultured, they’re so in the know, they have a bigger vocabulary than you or I do. Don’t know if they know how to be on camera though. Dammit. I filmed that entire and now I just remembered there’s a lot more I hate about Paris. I love Paris, come on. I understand that French society is not as crazy about work as we are in the States. But everything is always closed. As an entrepreneur, I enjoy work on my laptop. If I go to a bistro or a brasserie the amount of looks that you get for having your laptop open in a social environment, I’m not okay with that. No one’s wearing colors here. In fact, this is the brightest color you’ll see in Paris. But what if I wanna wear my camo pants with a red shirt? If you like this , make sure you subscribe. We’re trying to reach one million. These are the things that I don’t really enjoy in Paris, but that doesn’t mean that I’m not gonna keep coming back here, because there are plenty of other things that I love. We’ll see you next time Ciao.

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